(11-25-2016 10:20 AM)DavidWebb Wrote:  However my wife has had trust issues with me (I haven't cheated and I won't) in the past and things are going downhill. So, right now she has "cut me off" emotionally because she doesn't want to work on things and plans on going separate ways come this summer. I'm not leaving before hand because we still get along very well, we work well together and I still have feelings for her(obviously). That's the story in a nutshell.
So I've started working on myself from a psychological/mental point of view, attempting to create trust and emotional connection with the wife and using mones to aid in the process.

So hang on. Am I missing something? I think I defo am. Do u know for sure that ur wife cut ya off emotionally? Or ya THINK that she's cut ya off emotionally?

From what am gathering here come summer you's two r getting a devorce. Is that correct? From what I read about ya, u're in the U.S.? And come summer is next mid year?

That's the part I ain't clear about. Can ya validate that please DavidWebb. Waiting for ur reply to throw ya me 2 cents. Thanks.

(11-25-2016 8:48 PM)DrChocolate Wrote:  So hang on. Am I missing something? I think I defo am. Do u know for sure that ur wife cut ya off emotionally? Or ya THINK that she's cut ya off emotionally?

From what am gathering here come summer you's two r getting a devorce. Is that correct? From what I read about ya, u're in the U.S.? And come summer is next mid year?

That's the part I ain't clear about. Can ya validate that please DavidWebb. Waiting for ur reply to throw ya me 2 cents. Thanks.

She def has cut out the emotional part out. She has stated that she is hurt/heartbroken and doesn't want to deal with "this". She doesn't care to rebuild the trust/emotional connection. However, we live together and actually spend a few hours of the day together. She isn't completely trying to avoid me (anymore), we don't go out alone (without the kids) and has started to open up a bit to communication, but avoids most conversations that have to deal with the relationship(emotional component). I'm slowly introducing certain conversations in attempts to reestablish an emotional connection. My goal is to at least get us into marriage counseling/therapy, along with continuing to work on it on our own.

Come summer (May/June) we need to move out and she has planned on moving out on her own and expects the same from me.

(11-25-2016 10:17 PM)DavidWebb Wrote:  She def has cut out the emotional part out. She has stated that she is hurt/heartbroken and doesn't want to deal with "this". She doesn't care to rebuild the trust/emotional connection. However, we live together and actually spend a few hours of the day together. She isn't completely trying to avoid me (anymore), we don't go out alone (without the kids) and has started to open up a bit to communication, but avoids most conversations that have to deal with the relationship(emotional component). I'm slowly introducing certain conversations in attempts to reestablish an emotional connection. My goal is to at least get us into marriage counseling/therapy, along with continuing to work on it on our own.

Come summer (May/June) we need to move out and she has planned on moving out on her own and expects the same from me.

Dude....seriously.....NO!!!!
NO marriage counseling. Pay money to be told how to fuck things up more???!!!!
No more pandering to her.
Start here and READ EVERYTHING on relationship/manning the fuck up.

heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments

There's only ONE way back from where things are(IF there's a way back) and it sure as fuck ain't giving in to her or being her companion /friend!

Beta pays/alpha lays, bro....all day, every day.

(11-25-2016 10:17 PM)DavidWebb Wrote:  She def has cut out the emotional part out. She has stated that she is hurt/heartbroken and doesn't want to deal with "this". She doesn't care to rebuild the trust/emotional connection. However, we live together and actually spend a few hours of the day together. She isn't completely trying to avoid me (anymore), we don't go out alone (without the kids) and has started to open up a bit to communication, but avoids most conversations that have to deal with the relationship(emotional component). I'm slowly introducing certain conversations in attempts to reestablish an emotional connection. My goal is to at least get us into marriage counseling/therapy, along with continuing to work on it on our own.

Come summer (May/June) we need to move out and she has planned on moving out on her own and expects the same from me.

Oh okey. Am with ya. Am getting the picture here now.

Am gonna apologize in advance but my arse holeness is coming to ya, with the pure intention of seeing YOU being with her for the rest of urs amd ur kids life. Okey? so bear it with me.

U'RE EXTREMELY BETA DAVID WEBBBBBB!!!! I need ya to do me a favor, slap ur face really hard, cos ya need to man up. YOU wanna introduce marriage counseling??? That's the most gayest beta s**t I heard for the day. By the looks of it theLaw is right. U defo ARE pu**y whipped. Seems like if she gives u one u give her 3 more to compensate that one she gave u.

I used to think that me dad was an arse hole. But now I think he's the most alpha bloke I'll EVER meet. Heck even am struggling to come to his level of alpha. He was never the angry alpha. But more like the "I know how to control a situation and I can MAKE it right" kinda alpha. They've (me mom and dad) been married for 32 years now. And they met each other about 35 years ago. Me dad always and I mean ALWAYS used to give only 2 for 3 things that me mom gave him. And I ACTUALLY read that same number in another blog and I can come to a conclusion that it works. I've applied that with many of the girls I know,and surprisingly it works.

Double R 619 here is absolutely correct. I couldn't agree with him more. His quote

"The one who cares the least in a relationship, is the one who wins". Who WINS. So it is a game or a battle or a tug of war. What ever ya wanna call it. It's a job u ain't getting paid for to keep everything together. Ur wife ur kids ur neighbors ur family ur friends ur dog ur cat. From now on, my seggestion, try to not give a flying fart in space for the next 6 months.

There's a good side in ur situation from the angel am seeing. And trust me there's ALWAYS a good side for ANY situation. U just gotta change the angel u look at. And if ya still can't see a good side from that angel,that's when ya need to go outside that box and start thinking outta the box.

So...

Good side: u have a few potential products. Xist is a potential product. In ME OWN humble opinion, the spray version is BETTER. cos it hits quicker amd harder. Goa is the other good product. Cos it hits so quick. In a blink of an eye. LITERALLY!! At least that's me own experience with it.

ME OWN SUGGESTION:Take it or leave it. And no harm done in any way, try the products on OTHER girls ya know. Make sure ur wife KNOWS that other girls r falling for u. In the next 6 months, show her that u're more valuable than u were before. By the looks of it, and I could be wrong, but it seems to me that ur wife got suffocated by ur caring beta approaches. Leave her alone, for a while. Not completely, but for a while. Give her some space for Christs sakes, u're trying to push her into marriage counseling. That's soooo weird to me. Usually it's the wife who does that. So leave her alone when she wants the space amd start talking to her only when she does with a hint of I DGAF. Lemme spell it out to ya, that term stands for "I Don't Give A FART" I spelt fart cos the other word could be too offensive to some.

There were times that me dad COMPLETELY ignored me mom. Well,,, she couldn't bear it for more than 3 days, so she'd come up with something good to cook sometimes. And that's how she got his attention back then. I saw that and I applied that in me own life, and guess what? IT works. so ignorance IS bliss after all. But in ur case, it's different. U're married so am not saying u should treat her like a ghost, but rather, slowly amd steadily start showing her that ya don't care too much. And use those products on other girls ya know, and find a way to show ur wife that u're more valuable than she thinks. U may hate me now David, but 10 20 30 50 70 years down the track u'll remember me.

I admit it, I always say to meself that am NEVER gonna get married. But for u I only wish that u and ur wife will stay together for ever and see ur kids together and see THEIR kids together. IN ONE HOUSE. Not separately. All the best mate. Hope it'll work out for ya.

Oh shit. I just realized Double R 619. We posted the same kinda thing at the same time. 7 minutes apart. Lol.

Cyber hi 5 mate.

(11-25-2016 5:15 PM)IAmGoddess Wrote:  My 2 cents here, just reading your original post and some of your follow ups to other comments, it seems evident to me that you're withholding a possibly crucial factor of cause with her distrust. You first played it off like she was irrationally distrustful of you, then later you admit you might not have disclosed the full facts about that. Then you seem to agree with another poster about possibly feeling passive to control by her emotions (pussywhipped make you a victim here). Then, you mention how you're both at fault.

Really?

I don't know the truth either way, but this sounds like you're denying personal responsibility for something, allowing her to be painted out as irrational and emotionally manipulative, all the while intending to try to manipulate the current state of affairs with her through use of pheromones (wishful thinking).

Now, I understand it can be difficult to own up to our own shit. Apologies are seen as weak, and people like to selfishly milk what they perceive as debts. But if you never do this, you are always in opposition to a healthy loving relationship. So, without framing her side in any light, can you just focus and take responsibility for YOU? A poster suggested a book. I think that's a viable suggestion.

I disagree with the poster who suggested you ghost her. "Ghosting" is a passive display of neediness when it's done intentionally to elicit a response from another person. It's manipulation and control. People who are dominantly secure in themselves don't do stuff like this. They have no need to fake it. They are more positive action, less negative reaction, understand?

And this: "Sad as it is, the one who cares least in a relationship wins." mimics the real truth that people who are secure and happy no matter the circumstances of their relationships are the most attractive and desirable. These people don't feel the need to control outcomes so they happen to be more carefree, open, and loving.

My suggestion is, own up to your own fault in this. Don't expect that a magical spray is going to zombify her back into loving you. And you could possibly consider a trust enhancing blend to ease you both into making the real effort to mend your relationship... which means real communication and real applicable long term solutions. This requires that you actually try. See if you're willing to do that.

This is all well and good, as well as articulate. I agree with most if not all of what you said.
Ghosting may be too extreme, maybe not, (despite your judgmental comment) but I stand wholeheartedly by dread game in this circumstance.

There is a VERY high probability that she is at the VERY LEAST having an emotional affair and just as likely more...

Lots to read WEBBBBBB! I bet ya wish ya didn't start this thread. But everyone here have only ONE intention. To see ur marriage go for the next 50 + years.

All the best.

(11-25-2016 11:40 PM)DrChocolate Wrote:  Oh shit. I just realized Double R 619. We posted the same kinda thing at the same time. 7 minutes apart. Lol.

Cyber hi 5 mate.

I would think that's because what we are saying is self evident Dr.C...

---

(11-25-2016 11:54 PM)DrChocolate Wrote:  Lots to read WEBBBBBB! I bet ya wish ya didn't start this thread. But everyone here have only ONE intention. To see ur marriage go for the next 50 + years.

All the best.

^TRUTH^

True that!!!! Lol.

I honestly hope and wish he's gonna work things out.

See this is why I always say am NEVER gonna get married. What a massive SACK'A premium red wine. Seeing the same face every morning when I wake up??? NOOOO waaaaay.

But hey, no disrespect for the married couples. Am only saying what "I" feel about it.

(11-25-2016 6:26 PM)LoveInSpain Wrote:  One of the most effective ways of rekindling a partners interest in you is making yourself valuable on the marketplace. You'll have to do this discretely. The idea is to let her know that because you have other options, she isn't dictating your happiness any more. Get a new look, go out more often, wear cops and an alpha product day and night. If she asks anything, be evasive. Look and act confident and happy.

There is a high probability that the monotonous day to day life has either led her to another man, or she has decided to seek someone else and is interested someone. Denial won't make this go away. No woman abandons a good relationship if she hasn't got something better to fall into. If she subconsciously feels that you are in demand, she will desire you more. Xist won't help you. Triggering her jealousy might.

Personally I would tell her to f**k off and then sleep with two of her closest friends. But if you insist upon dragging this out, Cops +Ascend, Cops + BW, or SOB. Just don't act like a wuss with these or you'll creep her out.

Holy cap man, that is it....in a nutshell, that is exactly it.

I second SOB