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Deeper/stronger reset??????????
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LoveInSpain
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Post: #41
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 9:24 AM

(11-26-2016 8:49 AM)DavidWebb Wrote:  lol. I feel like I'm back in the locker room with the boys. Law comes out of nowhere with his a-hole comment. hahaha.
like I've said in prior posts, I'm looking to build the trust/emotional component of the relationship.

I def need to stop acting Beta, because it isn't helping and I didn't do what she believes has been done.

It's a ploy of many women who cheat to mirror their guilt. (I know; I've shagged loads of married women in my younger years). They are never to blame for acting the slut, it's always that the husband is crap in bed, doesn't pay her enough attention, doesn't get on with her family, etc etc. And the most common cause; to subconsciously justify their actions, they make believe that their husband is cheating, or he cheated on her first. She'll do / say / invent anything to save her being branded a slut.

"Leave you next summer"? Sure, her lover has probably promised to leave his wife before then. But she won't swing to that branch until she's 100% sure of it. I've seen it all before. She's planned her future down to the last detail.

I hope I'm wrong, but you should really be looking for the root cause of her behavior. If you feel like you can handle an ugly disclosure, then you might be able to squeeze it out of her with Cohesion, but wear it away from your own face or you'll end up blabbing to her your own insecurities. Apart from that, man up, Cops + BW / Ascend, let her know that her insecure behavior is unacceptable and is actually driving you to do what she has accused you of. And start building a social life outside of your home. It will help you a lot now and even more after she's gone.

I understand that there are kids involved, but that can only influence your decision up to a certain red line. I wish you the very best.

Sex and Mones and Rock'n'Roll....
11-26-2016 9:24 AM
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Post: #42
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 9:32 AM

Aaand you've most likely not been on the wrong end of a relationship where the other person has already checked out. Where it did not matter how you acted or responded. So good for you Goddess. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, actually yes I would.

But movie happy endings are there because we wish real life could actually be that way. But real life just doesn't work that way. DDubs - the moment you realize you are being disrespected and you get angry about it is the moment your happiness has a chance to come back. Love your kids more than ever and tell your wife to snap the fuck out of it because you deserve better than what she's supplying!

BOOM!
11-26-2016 9:32 AM
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Post: #43
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 9:39 AM

(11-25-2016 10:44 PM)Dblr619 Wrote:  This is all well and good, as well as articulate. I agree with most if not all of what you said.
Ghosting may be too extreme, maybe not, (despite your judgmental comment) but I stand wholeheartedly by dread game in this circumstance.

There is a VERY high probability that she is at the VERY LEAST having an emotional affair and just as likely more...

I also agree that in many modern relationships people are quick to have emotional affairs. It's like, if they don't fuck no harm is done. But what they don't realize is this is what it means to be unfaithful...like literally acting without faith in the relationship. If she's doing this, it's most certainly on her.

I feel like OP needs to be alpha in the sense that he knows what he wants, acts according to his own integrity, and absolutely does not settle for less. It could be possible that he's doing this but we're the ones dragging out the personal issues. But in any case, this is good. He's seeing all angles here. The angle that he needs to make sure he's not getting walked all over and that he doesn't overcompensate for the brunt of the relationship problems is also super crucial. IMO you guys are right to want to make sure this doesn't happen.
11-26-2016 9:39 AM
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Post: #44
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 10:27 AM

(11-26-2016 9:24 AM)LoveInSpain Wrote:  It's a ploy of many women who cheat to mirror their guilt. (I know; I've shagged loads of married women in my younger years). They are never to blame for acting the slut, it's always that the husband is crap in bed, doesn't pay her enough attention, doesn't get on with her family, etc etc. And the most common cause; to subconsciously justify their actions, they make believe that their husband is cheating, or he cheated on her first. She'll do / say / invent anything to save her being branded a slut.

"Leave you next summer"? Sure, her lover has probably promised to leave his wife before then. But she won't swing to that branch until she's 100% sure of it. I've seen it all before. She's planned her future down to the last detail.

I hope I'm wrong, but you should really be looking for the root cause of her behavior. If you feel like you can handle an ugly disclosure, then you might be able to squeeze it out of her with Cohesion, but wear it away from your own face or you'll end up blabbing to her your own insecurities. Apart from that, man up, Cops + BW / Ascend, let her know that her insecure behavior is unacceptable and is actually driving you to do what she has accused you of. And start building a social life outside of your home. It will help you a lot now and even more after she's gone.

I understand that there are kids involved, but that can only influence your decision up to a certain red line. I wish you the very best.

Now THAT is the kind of "marriage counseling" dude needs....
Would rep but "need to spread the love"

mooning whiney control freaks mooning
(This post was last modified: 11-26-2016 10:30 AM by Dblr619.)
11-26-2016 10:27 AM
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Post: #45
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 10:31 AM

.....I've seen, no lived, this movie and know how it ends.

mooning whiney control freaks mooning
11-26-2016 10:31 AM
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Post: #46
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 10:35 AM

it already ended

in her mind

and all it takes is for one to end it

no matter how much the other ...
11-26-2016 10:35 AM
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Post: #47
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 10:42 AM

(11-26-2016 7:02 AM)DavidWebb Wrote:  what's up assholes! haha. I'm not feeling any way about the way you guys responded, because I chalk it up to bro talk. We're in the men's forum speaking like men and it's all good.

I don't regret posting anything. What you guys have to say are your opinions and it's on me to interpret it and ultimately up to me take action.

I said it before, as of late I have been acting a bit beta because honestly I've NEVER been in this position. I'm not up her ass all the time, but it is enough to be considered beta behavior. Had it been a gf or wife w/o kids, I wouldn't GAF. But this is different due to the kids and I don't want this ship to continue sinking.

As for acting as if there are other women or actually being with other women, that would only make things worse because it is what got us here in the first place. She is under the impression that I was cheating on her. So, it would be best if I only ACTED as if there were other females, just to give that vibe off. In other words, there can't be any concrete evidence, but def have to be

As to other suggestions to be alpha and not GAF, those are viable options. Not ghost her completely but def show her I have more value, by not GAF and alpha/cops/socials

No, dumbass(since we're name calling)this isn't "bro-talk" it's straight woman gospel.
The truth and logic of what you are being told doesn't require your belief to be true. Some things just "are" and human nature (man or woman) is one of those things.
You'll figure it out when you're living in a hovel, paying all her bills, getting to "visit" YOUR kids, while the reason for her "trust issues" is fucking her cross-eyed in your old house/bed....
Time to stop b.s.'ING
Let her get a whiff of some SOB and another girls perfume on you....
You MUST control the frame or your life is gonna get hit by the hurricane that is a woman's cruel heart.

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11-26-2016 10:42 AM
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Post: #48
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 10:49 AM

(11-26-2016 10:35 AM)HappyGoSkillfully Wrote:  it already ended

in her mind

and all it takes is for one to end it

no matter how much the other ...

Yes sir, you hit it on the head

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11-26-2016 10:49 AM
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Post: #49
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 12:53 PM

(11-26-2016 9:20 AM)IAmGoddess Wrote:  If that's the case then, I second the trust blends again. This post sounds like you care more about a positive end result which I see as good. Whether you stay together or separate, you want to have some sort of trustful bond with the mother of your children.

I naturally feel defensive about some of the other comments here...as they show that some men are suggesting crude and frankly weak solutions. I hope being a husband and father, you know better than to take some of the advice that encourages you to act without integrity. You have a duty to take care of your own happiness, but never at the direct expense of others. However if something is at your own expense you absolutely should walk away and take care of you. Your children need to see that if mommy and daddy split, they still care about and regard each other as good people.

I'm sure you already know what I'm saying..

Btw, I wholly believe love is never lost between two people. It's only ever obscured by issues. If you want to stay with her, make it your ultimate intention. What I'm saying is, don't be one of those guys who is hoping for his relationship to work but feels worried so is looking at other options, other women, just in case.

NEVER take the advice of a woman on the subject of women.....EVER.

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11-26-2016 12:53 PM
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Post: #50
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-26-2016 4:15 PM

TMI from Love Potion. Connections from XS, or Hypnotica from LAL would really help her and you to really open up.
That's honestly your best bet.

Hold onto your beliefs loosely, and hold onto your truths tightly.
11-26-2016 4:15 PM
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