theLaw
Senior Member
Joined:
Jan 2013
Sex: Male
Posts:
1,579
Reputation: 819
Rep Post
|
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-25-2016 12:25 PM
Cheers!
Signatures are forum-cancer.
|
|
11-25-2016 12:25 PM
|
|
DavidWebb
Getting comfortable
Joined:
Oct 2016
Sex:
Posts:
41
Reputation: 100
Rep Post
|
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-25-2016 3:48 PM
(11-25-2016 3:17 PM)Dblr619 Wrote: If you haven't given her any reason to suspect you but she is having trust issues and she's cut you off, physically and emotionally, then I would STRONGLY suspect cheating on HER part.
She is throwing some VERY serious red flags dude!
I suggest dread game.
Ghost her.
Give her a big taste, in every way, of life without you in it.
DO NOT TRY TO PLEASE HER OR CAPITULATE IN ANY WAY!!!
It will only make things worse and end your relationship.
He may seem abrasive but TheLaw is dead on.....
Alpha and cops as far as mones go.
I wish you success and nothing but the best for your family.
Sad as it is, the one who cares least in a relationship wins.
Thanks for the response. There is more to the trust issue that I didn't go into detail with. I'm not delusional, but she has her reasons to have certain trust issues. Our relationship is one that let something snowball, we're both at fault. It snowballed because so many other things work so perfectly between us.
But yes, TheLaw had some good insight. Alpha and cops are the way to go. RussianWolf also mentioned going the dramatic phero signature route. I'm considering doing that, in conjunction to other things.
|
|
11-25-2016 3:48 PM
|
|
IAmGoddess
Checking out the place
Joined:
Nov 2016
Sex:
Posts:
4
Reputation: 100
Rep Post
|
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-25-2016 5:15 PM
My 2 cents here, just reading your original post and some of your follow ups to other comments, it seems evident to me that you're withholding a possibly crucial factor of cause with her distrust. You first played it off like she was irrationally distrustful of you, then later you admit you might not have disclosed the full facts about that. Then you seem to agree with another poster about possibly feeling passive to control by her emotions (pussywhipped make you a victim here). Then, you mention how you're both at fault.
Really?
I don't know the truth either way, but this sounds like you're denying personal responsibility for something, allowing her to be painted out as irrational and emotionally manipulative, all the while intending to try to manipulate the current state of affairs with her through use of pheromones (wishful thinking).
Now, I understand it can be difficult to own up to our own shit. Apologies are seen as weak, and people like to selfishly milk what they perceive as debts. But if you never do this, you are always in opposition to a healthy loving relationship. So, without framing her side in any light, can you just focus and take responsibility for YOU? A poster suggested a book. I think that's a viable suggestion.
I disagree with the poster who suggested you ghost her. "Ghosting" is a passive display of neediness when it's done intentionally to elicit a response from another person. It's manipulation and control. People who are dominantly secure in themselves don't do stuff like this. They have no need to fake it. They are more positive action, less negative reaction, understand?
And this: "Sad as it is, the one who cares least in a relationship wins." mimics the real truth that people who are secure and happy no matter the circumstances of their relationships are the most attractive and desirable. These people don't feel the need to control outcomes so they happen to be more carefree, open, and loving.
My suggestion is, own up to your own fault in this. Don't expect that a magical spray is going to zombify her back into loving you. And you could possibly consider a trust enhancing blend to ease you both into making the real effort to mend your relationship... which means real communication and real applicable long term solutions. This requires that you actually try. See if you're willing to do that.
|
|
11-25-2016 5:15 PM
|
|
DavidWebb
Getting comfortable
Joined:
Oct 2016
Sex:
Posts:
41
Reputation: 100
Rep Post
|
RE: Deeper/stronger reset??????????
11-25-2016 8:32 PM
(11-25-2016 5:15 PM)IAmGoddess Wrote: My 2 cents here, just reading your original post and some of your follow ups to other comments, it seems evident to me that you're withholding a possibly crucial factor of cause with her distrust. You first played it off like she was irrationally distrustful of you, then later you admit you might not have disclosed the full facts about that. Then you seem to agree with another poster about possibly feeling passive to control by her emotions (pussywhipped make you a victim here). Then, you mention how you're both at fault.
Really?
I don't know the truth either way, but this sounds like you're denying personal responsibility for something, allowing her to be painted out as irrational and emotionally manipulative, all the while intending to try to manipulate the current state of affairs with her through use of pheromones (wishful thinking).
Now, I understand it can be difficult to own up to our own shit. Apologies are seen as weak, and people like to selfishly milk what they perceive as debts. But if you never do this, you are always in opposition to a healthy loving relationship. So, without framing her side in any light, can you just focus and take responsibility for YOU? A poster suggested a book. I think that's a viable suggestion.
I disagree with the poster who suggested you ghost her. "Ghosting" is a passive display of neediness when it's done intentionally to elicit a response from another person. It's manipulation and control. People who are dominantly secure in themselves don't do stuff like this. They have no need to fake it. They are more positive action, less negative reaction, understand?
And this: "Sad as it is, the one who cares least in a relationship wins." mimics the real truth that people who are secure and happy no matter the circumstances of their relationships are the most attractive and desirable. These people don't feel the need to control outcomes so they happen to be more carefree, open, and loving.
My suggestion is, own up to your own fault in this. Don't expect that a magical spray is going to zombify her back into loving you. And you could possibly consider a trust enhancing blend to ease you both into making the real effort to mend your relationship... which means real communication and real applicable long term solutions. This requires that you actually try. See if you're willing to do that.
Thanks for the response, I appreciate what you had to say.
That's def not the picture I intended on painting. I know I haven't given all the details, because it would be a bit drawn and I really don't feel comfortable sharing every detail. The truth is that there have been trust issues between my wife and I, she is the one that is feeling more hurt about what is going on and has decided that it has been enough for her to step away. I'm not stating that she has been irrational or emotionally manipulative, because she does have her own valid reasons to feel a certain way. However, I'm also stating that I believe that we both are at fault and that due to both of us we have reached this point. I admit that I've made my mistakes and had a part to play in this (more than she does), but it def wasn't to the point of committing adultery. However, she is the one that made the decision to "end things", so to a great degree I feel that I have more of a responsibility to make things better. ("End things" because we are still living together till around the summer and with every other aspect of our relationship we have a good dynamic)
Moving forward, I am and have been owning up to my mistakes and look to rebuild the relationship. I've actually apologized and have been reading self help books on the topic, as well as others to better myself as a person. I don't believe mones will magically "fix" things, but I was looking to see if there was a way for them to be used as a "tool" to assist in the process. I don't see them as a solution to my issue. I agree with you completely that it will take "real communication and real applicable long term solutions" in order to move this forward. I have a few months to work on this and don't expect things to change over night, so I'm not sitting on my ass and hoping/wishing/praying it will fix itself. I'm actually doing whatever it takes to make this work.
Your suggestion of a trust enhancing blend would actually be a valid option and one that I would consider.[/color]
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2016 8:38 PM by DavidWebb.)
|
|
11-25-2016 8:32 PM
|
|