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Approachability
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Post: #1
Approachability
11-01-2009 8:59 PM

I need some help with approachability advice.

To start with I'm a fine conversationalist, not the best at initiating one, but once it gets going I'm golden. So, in the passed I have found out that girls don't think I'm approachable and therefor tend to ignore me or just not talk. (which is not helpful because I can't start a conversation without looking retarded)

I understand everyone else here is older than I am, and I'm not quite sure if anyone has been in my position. But I'm looking for some general tips.

I think I intimidate girls, but I don't know how. I care alot about my apperence, so I'm not scretchy looking, I make a point to dress well.

Any ideas?

Tay
11-01-2009 8:59 PM
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mark-in-dallas
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Post: #2
RE: Approachability
11-01-2009 9:07 PM

Yeah, just start out with "Hey I'm (Name), what's your name?

Or, find something funny and make a statement about it to the girl you're interested in getting to know.
Or girls love compliments that are real and from the heart, so another great opener is to find something you like about her, and ask her if she can take a compliment. Not many girls are going to say no to that, so you follow it up with your compliment. It shouldn't be anything to personal, but just something to let her know that you noticed her. But, after the compliment you've also got to pull back just a bit, otherwise you come across as wimpy.

really anything you can do to start a conversation works.

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps a bit.

Nobody changes until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change....
11-01-2009 9:07 PM
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Post: #3
RE: Approachability
11-01-2009 10:57 PM

In many instances being more appealing can actually translate into seeming less approachable. A fact that was crystallized years ago when I started to get serious about self improvement.
Women just like men can become intimidated when they see someone particularly enticing. However unlike men have been conditioned to expect being the pursued not the pursuer and in many ways may misconstrue absence of initiation as disinterest or even worse, arrogance.

That's not to say they won't drop subtle IOI's and/or come in close proximity to you but unless you smile and make eye contact or small talk more often then not you'll be out of luck. And the small talk could be some of the most asinine stuff you can think of as long there's an opening for a reply.
Believe I know spouting nonsense can make you feel like a jackass but the truth is if it's said in a confident and friendly manner, 90% of the time it makes no difference.
Without pheromones I've opened girls with "what are you two talking about?, I wanna know".
Was that stupid?, yes, did I feel like a jackass?, you bet, but did it work as a segue to other topics, it sure did.

Just throw on some Alpha Androstenol wait for an opening, relax and if all else fails bring the nonsense.
(This post was last modified: 11-01-2009 10:58 PM by LaPew.)
11-01-2009 10:57 PM
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Post: #4
RE: Approachability
11-01-2009 11:43 PM

Thanks for the sugestions guys

just to clear this up mark, most of these girls I know and they know me, but they chose not to notice me. For example, a friend (guy) and I go out and get lunch during school. We get our food and can't find a place to sit, but there is a table with 2 girls from my grade. I know them both, they know me. I ask if we can join them and they say sure. But as soon as we sit, there eyes never go even near me. We have some small talk here and there, but they never even glance at me. I look at them, not desperatly but trying to make eye contact, no good.

Is that almost like a -none OD?

I do remeber last year using ammo, maybe just that limited exposure set some girls minds at scary/ghost effect of -none. Was I too young maybe?

Tay
11-01-2009 11:43 PM
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Post: #5
RE: Approachability
11-02-2009 11:12 AM

I don't think it's pheromone per se. You guys are changing too fast for something as ephemeral as a pheromone experiment to make a difference from one school year to the other.

I think you supplied your own answer. It's not approaching that bugs you but starting the conversation, particularly when the girl you wanna talk to is already in another conversation.

Lapew's opener is perfect: "What are you two (what are you guys) talking about? I wanna know." or "you all seem so serious/loud/quiet/fun over here by yourselves, are you talking about me?" Coupled with Alpha Androstenol and delivered with a light fun attitude, it should focus the conversation on you. I think some of the PU guys would call it frame control. The conversation is a picture, put your frame on it. It can feel a bit conceited or retarded as you call it, but with a little practice it becomes easier and more natural. It can be much easier than trying to wrestle the conversation away or start a new one.

The Androstenone Discussion
11-02-2009 11:12 AM
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Post: #6
RE: Approachability
11-02-2009 3:00 PM

Thanks renny,

I think what I'm more concerned about is girls approaching me, that I think is the problem, they are unwilling to because I'm "intimidating" and that's possibly why they ignore me. I'm sure you have all known the way opinions spread in highschool: one person says some about someone else in a group, then any time any of them see that other person that opinion crosses everyones mind.

Tay
11-02-2009 3:00 PM
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Post: #7
RE: Approachability
11-02-2009 5:55 PM

Best advice I can tell you Asset, is to consider getting approached a non-issue. If you get approached, great you're doing something right, but just as the hunter doesn't plan on their game running right towards them, you can't expect to be approached. It is your mission to do the approaching.

That being said, if you are observant enough, you can find a lot of things to talk about. Here are a couple of examples:

Class situation: I noticed this girl consistently sitting alone, and consistently having little snacks and drinks in class. One day, I commented "Man, you really like coming prepared to class, food and everything." She laughed and explained that she never has time to get food in between classes. Boom, conversation right there. Oh why not? Etc etc...

Concert situation: I noticed two girls getting hit on by some dudes, and they got blown out. Some guy in front of one of the girls was tall so I joked that they should get one of their guy friends to hoist them up (I said this because I knew they didn't have any guy friends with them). They said they didn't have any guy friends. From there, it's easy enough to keep the conversation going.

Later that night, I noticed these girls trying to contact their friends with the celly. They kept holding the phone up into the air, and I jokingly asked "Does it text faster when you hold it up high?" And once again, a conversation ensued.

Sometimes the conversation will die. That's okay, just let it die, you can be comfortable not having anything to say. Sometimes it's better than trying to force it. Just keep making honest efforts and you'll get better. It's like any 'skill', you have to keep using it, which sometimes means failing or tripping up. Ever bust out freestyle sessions with your friends? The only way to learn is to open up your mouth and sound like a fool for a bit. But eventually you get better and start making sense.

-----> Just do it. Big Grin

I would like to add, on the topic of 'he said, she said' bullshit: I did this a lot without even realizing it. Don't get caught up with what other people say about other people. Get to know them yourself, if they're whack, they're whack, but it doesn't concern anyone else. Judge everyone based on your own personal experience with them, not off the collective experience of others. Of course, this is a balancing act, as if you know someone has a rep for being a complete ass, it's probably for good reason. But for the most part, completely disregard any of that bullshit. I can think of many times when I blew off decent girls because some other girl told me that they were bitches and crazy. In most cases, it turned out that she was a sweet girl, but just didn't know how to keep her enthusiasm under control sometimes.

You will make many more friends this way, and meet people you may have known were around. Oh, lastly, when it comes to girls do your best to remember that they are just as nervous at getting approached as you are approaching. I realize now that many times, their reactions weren't due to my lack of coolness or skill, but due to them just being nervous.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma... which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
-Steve Jobs
(This post was last modified: 11-02-2009 6:01 PM by Phya.)
11-02-2009 5:55 PM
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Post: #8
RE: Approachability
11-02-2009 6:43 PM

I gotta disagree with one thing mentioned. (sorry mark) Never lead with a introduction. This is polite in adult society but dorky in high school. Popular people never introduce themselves. They assume everyone already knows them.


Observe the person your about to approach. Are they wearing something unusual ? Holding something unusual ? Doing something unusual ?

Find that and that's your in. Walk up and use her name. Say Hey Jen nice hat it looks good on you. then jump right into a question. Where did you get it ? or What class you have now ? Something that requires them to answer you. By using there name when approaching your easing the tension in both of you and establish familiarity.

If your approaching a stranger you introduce yourself but not right out of the gate.

You find the subject, Suppose she is holding a book from a class you take or she has a cool cell phone or something or she is sitting in the food court at the mall.

Book........... Hey how ya doing ? I see you have Mr Buttcheese for physics. Hard class, How do you like him ?

She will answer Oh its not so bad bla bla bla ........ Then you make a statement and ask another question. Around now fi you know she doesnt know your name is when you say "Oh by the way my name is asset" Look her right in the eye. She will respond.

Cell phone.............. Wow cool phone, does it have Internet access ?

Food court............ Hey there that looks good, which vendor you get that from ? (make sure its not mcdonald's first, then you will look stupid LOL)

Now if they do not seem to be warming up, your leading the conversation and you can end it. Just give a "well it was nice talking to you see ya around. Just keep in mind that some girls are shy and do not mistake shyness for being a stuck up bitch. Usually when you cut off a bitch like that she will start pursuing you LOL


The point is you make a statement and ask a question. This puts them at ease as well because they dont have to think of something to say back. They just have to answer the question. Make sure they are not yes or no questions to.

Now get out to the mall and practice on girls that you dont care what there response is going to be. This will give you more confidence and make it easier when your approaching the girls of interest. Dont worry about being shot down or looking like a dork. Even I meet people that snub once in a while for what ever reason. 9 out of 10 times they will just start yapping away though. Believe me I do this all day everyday and it works.

Tisha
11-02-2009 6:43 PM
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Post: #9
RE: Approachability
11-02-2009 7:27 PM

Thanks phya and Tisha,

In my case, my school is really small, less than 200 per grade. So I know everyone in my grade and most people a year above and below. I rarely go to parties with alot of people I don't know, small town.

So most of these situations are with girls that know me but choose not to notice me, maybe becuase the whole social system here is based on sports and parties. I don't go to many parties with the girls that I'm refering to here, (mostly just small parties with close friends, not many girls) Atleast I have the sports part down.

probably what I need to do is meet them in non-school settings. I think I'm looking to atleast get noticed and be on friendly terms with these girls. I don't have the oprotunities. So maybe they just ignore me because they really don't see me outside of school and therefor don't feel the need to acociate with me?

I appriate the help, i just need to be comfortable with opening a conversation, seems simple enough, I'll be sure to report if iv made some progress

Tay
11-02-2009 7:27 PM
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Post: #10
RE: Approachability
11-03-2009 7:38 AM

You might consider trying some products with alpha or beta androstenol. They tend to make people seem less threatening and more approachable. Often when wearing these even a lame conversation starter will really get the conversational ball rolling.

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11-03-2009 7:38 AM
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